The phases of my life each close with a lesson learned. Lately, I’ve been learning to cope with change. My goto comfort are the words “No Attachment”. It came as a bit of a shock to me that ridding myself of lavish luxuries and melodramatic memories could be so rewarding. My first wake up call was marked by the loss of my SLR, a misfortune I was initially crushed to’ve gone through. This was back when I spent my free time battling with my religion. Lame, I know, but I had been drug back into the realm of Christianity due to some weird phenomenons I was going through.. What a misconception. Anyway, back then, I blamed the tragedy on evil, viewing it as an attempt to pull my spirits asunder. Since then, I have used this same way of thinking to wade through times of trouble and ‘tribulation’. In the time span of a single year, I’ve lost almost all the material things I once considered treasures. My vocabulary lacks the accuracy to name the freedom I have felt these past weeks. I wont credit the fact that I sucked it up and let go of tangible items with the power to cause this liberty I am now experiencing. No, this joy, this invigorating novelty of life cannot be due to a lesson so simple. It goes deeper. INCEPTION. haha nah, for real.. It’s the memory part :p remember? I mentioned it up there ^. One of my biggest problems was growing accustomed to a period of time. I am a fiend for nostalgia. I love to be reminded of a past world. Everything in it: the places, the people, the sounds, the feelings.. I allow myself to become engulfed in the moment. Which is why I’ve had such a hard time letting go of certain places, people, sounds, and feelings. I’ll elaborate on each one:
- Places- when I say this, I don’t mean an actual location on the map. I mean the memories themselves. I relived and replayed them in my head over and over again. I fantasized variations. I hoped for another. My head was ~75% cluttered with thoughts of the past. Nows that I’d never be in again. Dreams and wishes at the most. Realizing the importance of being- just being- wasn’t so difficult to grasp.
- People- one person, specifically. My first love. Duh. Oh god where to start and how to do this without boring the hell out of you who are actually reading this.. Basically, for a span of five years, this guy and I dated on and off. We swapped virginities. We just clicked. Nuff said. But near the end of the road, I finally had to accept the fact that he had changed (and I as well), and that we could never be the same together again. I eventually had to write myself a letter to remind my future self of all the reasons why I should never try and win him back. It was so hard to let go of that life. I suppose that’s due to the mind only recalling positive memories. You never remember the shit a person’s drug you through when you’re missing them or haven’t gotten laid in a while. The comfort of stability and ‘love’ was hard to shake. But I finally got it. One step closer to enlightenment.
- Sounds- nottalot to say here. Just obsessed with music from the past. Still am. It’s not so much of a big deal. I still listen to MCR every now and again and feel like I’m in 8th grade all over. lol
- Feelings- ….drugs..euphoria..deja vu.. dreams.. blah..blah…blahhh
So that’s that. Letting go of all these past lives has helped me focus on Now and what’s to come. It’s exhilarating. A clear, fresh mind. Try it out sometime y’all. Don’t let your thoughts be consumed by the past. Where’s your head?
The only constant in life is change.
fairytalesareforsuckers asked: You have real tattoos? (:
yes, I have two small ones that were professionally done. A dreamcatcher and quote on my left foot and a yellow butterfly on my right shoulder. I also have a really tiny heart on my hip that I did myself many years ago. :)
was playing on photoshop and this happened.
Makes me want more ink so bad